What does holding space mean?
If you’ve spent more than 5 minutes on Instagram you’ve probably seen the phrase hold space / holding the space but no-one ever seems to explain what that means so I’m going to.
Holding the space is more than just not saying anything and letting the other person talk.
Perhaps you’ve had the experience of being in a fight or argument with someone and they have just stopped talking. They aren’t saying a word. Just staring at you with a stone cold face.
They are very much not saying anything so, theoretically, you have all the space to talk.
As I’m sure you can imagine, while they are indeed “not saying anything”, they are not “holding space.”
Holding space is more than not saying anything so the other person can talk.
Holding space is about listening. Really listening. Paying attention to what the other person is saying.
It’s about giving the other person space to pause and think.
Holding space is about asking questions. Powerful questions. The types of questions that make you say “hhmmm, I don’t know… that’s a good question.”
It’s not about firing questions at someone so that they feel you are just reeling off a check list without listening to the answers or that they are being interrogated.
Holding space is about letting the talker come to their own conclusions, have their own light-bulb moments.
Holding space is about never uttering the phrase “well, if I was you I’d do x y z” or “well, what you should do is….” (Side note: Obvious exception here for situations involving risk or potential risk of harm to the person who is sharing and / or children.)
It’s about drawing the conversation to a close gently – not suddenly ending in a rush “Oh, is that the time, gosh. erm ok, bye!”
Holding space is about so much more than “shutting up and letting the other person talk.”
If you’d like to experience some of this for yourself book in for a 1:1 breathwork or coaching session with me. I promise to shut up and let you speak AND all the rest.
