Resilience
Resilience – aka your ability to bounce back or, as Rocky said “It ain’t about how hard you can hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” Life can hit pretty hard sometimes and to paraphrase Rocky (last time, I promise!) “Nothing hits as hard as life.”
I sometimes like to think of resilience as being similar to an elastic band – you can pull it, watch it stretch and then let it go to see it snap back into its original shape. Similarly your resilience can be stretched thin and then, in times of less stress or demand, it can release and there’s more to go around.
Sometimes you might find an elastic band at the back of a draw only this time, when you pull it tight, it either snaps or withers and isn’t able to go back to it’s original shape. And again, the same thing can happen with your resilience, it can become depleted and what was once a reasonable stretch becomes impossible and you break.
Being able to re-charge, to re-build your resilience is so important but often, when we are depleted, the idea of working to replenish our reserves can seem daunting and even overwhelming. Let’s be honest, after a rough week the idea of crashing out on the sofa with Netflix sounds much more appealing than figuring out how on earth you can re-charge your resilience stores.
A few years ago I was introduced to the work of The Resilience Project and honestly it was like a light bulb went on in my head. The Resilience Project talk about 3 elements underpinning resilience and, importantly, theses three elements are things that help build up your resilience when it’s completely depleted. There’s no special equipment, there are no long complex activities, and it doesn’t require you to “just get up 30 minutes earlier.”
Gratitude
Find ONE thing a day that you are grateful for – warm cosy socks, the sun on your skin, a working internet connection so you can watch Netflix. It doesn’t have to be something big, in fact it doesn’t matter what it is, what matters is that you notice it, you appreciate it and you start a practice of being grateful for it. Writing this down in a notebook or journal (or even the notes on your phone) gives you the opportunity to pause for a moment and reflect on your day as you start to practice gratitude. It also means that after a while you’ll have a long list to look back on, a long list of things you’re grateful for!
(Empathy) Compassion
Compassion for yourself – Giving yourself a break when you need one. This might be not beating yourself up when something doesn’t go to plan or it might mean taking an actual break. Stepping away from your laptop to stretch or walk or maybe even take a nap.
Compassion for others – Somedays it might feel like the world is against you so the idea of cultivating an “Everyone is just trying to do their best” mindset might seem challenging. Try starting with the idea that no one gets up in the morning with the sole intention of ruining your day. Remembering that we are all going through our own stuff and giving others, and yourself, a bit of grace.
Mindfulness
Being present – Maybe it’s stroking your cat or dog and paying attention to how their fur feels against your hand, maybe it’s playing with your kids and allowing yourself to really join in with the game, maybe it’s taking the time to really chew and taste your lunch. Meditation can be a great tool to help people become more mindful and there’s heaps of different types of meditation you can try. If the idea of meditating doesn’t appeal, just sitting quietly, closing your eyes and taking a few slow deep breathes can be a great alternative.
I’m so grateful to have been introduced to this approach to building resilience – I turned my somewhat haphazard gratitude practice into a daily habit, I meditate most days (Breathwork meditation and other types when I feel I need them) and I’ve strengthened my deep seeded belief that everyone is trying their best. I’m not perfect by any means, sometimes the compassion part slips and other days I might forget to write down the thing I’m grateful for but it’s the consistency over time that has really helped me.
If staring with all three pillars feels too much, maybe start with one and introduce the others later – give it a try and see how you go.
Thanks for reading – I’m grateful for you 🙂
